What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? Dino snore.Why is that picture in jail? Because it was framed.What is the term used for birds that stick together? Vel-crows.What is a fake spaghetti called? An im-pasta.But cannot do it now as it is still a ‘work in progress’. What is Harry Potter’s favorite method of getting downhill? JK Rolling.What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog!.“Get out of here!”, shouts the bartender. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr!.Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.Working in a mirror factory is something I could totally see myself doing.A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.”.What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!.What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months they say his days are numbered.Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.The ball kept getting bigger and bigger.What is the easiest way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.Why do they not play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.How do you think the barber won the race? He took a shortcut.Why do cemeteries have gates? Because people are dying to get in.What music do planets like to listen to? Neptunes.What does a sea monster snack on? Fish and ships.What caused the bicycle to collapse? Because it was two tired.What happens if a seagull flies over the bay? It will become a bagel (Bay-gull)!.The broom was late today because it overswept last night!.What kind of music do the mummies listen to? Wrap music.Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. I got fired from my job at the bank today.What has four wheels and flies? Garbage truck.Why did the mushrooms get invited to all the best parties? He was a fun-gi!.Why won’t it hurt if you hit your friend with a 2-liter of soda? Because it’s a soft drink!.When your teacher asks “Where’s your homework?” It took a sick day.Grandma: Back in our days, you could buy bread, milk, soaps, spices, eggs, meat, all for a dollar. ![]()
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